


Hospital Colours

by patsypatsypatsy



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9358103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patsypatsypatsy/pseuds/patsypatsypatsy
Summary: Multi-chap modern au. Delia has just transferred to London to complete her nurse's training, and Patsy is working as a Doctor in the same hospital. This fic will be about how they meet, and what follows.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here, although I've written a drabble on tumblr before this. I've wanted to write a proper, multi-chapter fic for this pairing for the longest time, but I'm only just getting round to it now. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I am definitely motivated by comments! Please bear in mind though, that this is really the first time that I've done anything like this, so I don't know if I'm getting it right. 
> 
> I decided to set this as an au, as I've always had a thing for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic on here, so please be gentle! I'm a sucker for aus so thought I'd try my hand at writing one. Any comments will be very much appreciated!

Delia leant back against the cool of the hospital wall, and tried to steady herself. It was green-the same green colour that they always used in hospitals, she considered. She glanced down at her uniform, also green, and paled at the sight of the blood spattered on her right cuff. ‘Come on Busby, keep it together’ she muttered to herself. Delia wasn’t technically on a break; she knew that she had to go back into the waiting area to meet a new patient, all smiles, all positivity, but what she’d just seen back there had been too much. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t dealt with situations like this before. For God’s sake, this was her final year of training, she’d assisted in countless scenes just like this one. But the decision to transfer to The London had had a knock-on effect. Delia had known it would be different. Cardiff may have been a capital city; there was no denying it had taken some getting used to after the quietude of Pembrokeshire, but everything was bigger and better in London. The hustle and bustle was so much that Delia felt like she was experiencing sensory overload. Amongst the cars and buses, the crush of people, everything seemed somewhat more. Even the white lights of the emergency room seemed impossibly brighter. 

The man had been in his late twenties, a good five years older than her, for sure. He’d come off his motorbike at a crossroads, and Delia had been one of the nurses who received the stretcher when he came in. She’d gone into autopilot after that, running down the corridor alongside him, as the man had been wheeled into surgery. Fuck. All she could think of was the blood still drying along his hairline as the surgeon pronounced him dead by the time on his watch. 

Balling her shaking hands into fists, she pulled herself upright and hurried down the corridor to the changing room. Opening her locker, she pulled a clean pile of uniform from the top shelf and stripped quickly, turning her back as a gaggle of giggling nurses came in, bags swinging, probably just coming on shift. Wadding up the old uniform, she moved past the others and headed back along the corridor to the sluice, where she deposited it for washing. Then, putting on her brave face, she returned to the foyer of Accident and Emergency, to complete the rest of her gruelling shift. 

~

Later, sitting with Barbara in the staff canteen, Delia pushed the limp excuse for food around the plastic tray. Barbara was obviously worried, clearing her throat gently as she opened her mouth. ‘Are you sure you’re alright Delia? You’re terribly quiet.’ 

Delia attempted a weak smile, lifting her chin to meet Barbara’s concerned eyes. She was a good friend, Barbara. All of the other trainees here had clearly formed friendships long ago, and, transferring in the final year of her medical training, Delia hadn’t really expected to meet any strong allies. She’d bumped into Barbara in a corridor one day though; Delia had been carrying a heap of linen that reached up above her eye-line, and in the collision Barbara had dropped the box of samples she’d been carrying. Delia had crouched down, apologising profusely, and helped her to package up the little plastic phials once again. Barbara, instead of getting annoyed and glaring as Delia had expected, had smiled and chuckled, thanking her for her help, before asking her where her accent was from. 

‘I’m from Wales, Pembrokeshire, to be exact’ Delia had smiled back. ‘I just transferred to The London actually’ she paused for a moment, ‘and a right pig’s ear I’m making of it!’ 

Barbara had laughed again, before smiling sympathetically. ‘I know what it’s like to be far away from home. I live in Liverpool!’ she’d replied enthusiastically. After finding out that they were both in their last year of training, Barbara had insisted they exchange numbers, and, a few weeks later, Delia felt as though she truly had a friend here. 

She was drawn out of her reverie by Barbara dangling an arm in front of her face. ‘Delia? Delia! Gosh, you really don’t look okay. Good job your shift’s over. I think you should go straight home.’ 

Delia looked up, attempting another smile and failing. ‘You know I think you’re right Babs, today’s done me in’. She stood up and lifted her untouched tray ‘I’ll text you later?’ 

Barbara looked relieved. ‘Yes, of course. See you later Delia. And get some sleep!’ 

Returning to the lockers to pick up her stuff, Delia glanced in the mirror on the wall. Jesus. The usual rosy hue of her cheeks was gone, replaced by the palest and unhealthiest looking colour possible, that Delia was inclined to call grey. Sighing, she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder and made her way out of the hospital. She used the staff exit at the back of the ground floor, avoiding eye contact with the other nurses who stood around the other side of the double doors, taking their cigarette breaks. It was only then that Delia realised she really didn’t feel quite right. Everything around her seemed to be moving in slow motion and she felt unbearably hot. Grappling at her collar to give herself some room to breathe, Delia became aware of the other hospital staff gradually turning to look at her. Shit. Maybe she looked worse than she’d realised. Just as she attempted to smile reassuringly at them, to quicken her pace and get herself as far away from the A and E entrance as possible, she stumbled. Biting down hard on her lip as she struggled hopelessly to pull herself together, she felt herself go. Down she fell, all of her thoughts falling away to nothing as she connected with the concrete of the pavement. 

Ouch. Delia groaned as she tried to sit up, pain arcing from the back of her head right to her temples. It felt like the worst migraine ever. ‘Oh no you don’t’ said a confident voice. The voice-Delia couldn’t open her eyes fully to see who it belonged to at present-was deep, low, and plummy. The woman had the sort of accent that Delia would have mocked, had she been in a better mood. Honestly, she sounded as though she was straight out of boarding school, or an Enid Blyton story, and anyway, they went to boarding school in those didn’t they? Delia realised, as she finally opened her eyes more than a fraction of an inch, that this mysterious woman had a hand resting underneath her head. She shivered a little. She could feel the softness of her cool fingertips resting there. With great effort, Delia looked upwards at the woman sitting patiently above her. The sight of her was enough to take Delia’s breath away once again. 

‘Patience Mount. Obstetrics’ the woman supplied for Delia, suddenly the model of politeness and decorum, extending the unoccupied of her perfectly manicured hands. Delia, mesmerised, evidently didn’t respond quickly enough because the woman, Patience, smiled apologetically and awkwardly pulled back her outstretched arm. Delia couldn’t help but stare. This woman was beautiful. She was possibly the single most beautiful thing Delia had ever seen, in the whole of her twenty-two years. Her titian hair was perfectly offset by the near translucence of her alabaster skin. Now her eyes were fully open, Delia observed that when she looked closely, a trace of freckles, barely visible, ran across the woman’s cheeks. The discovery of this led to Delia's looking further up the woman’s face, until she came to be gazing into a pair of strikingly blue eyes. They were intoxicating, thought Delia. The sort of eyes you could get lost in. 

Seconds later, Delia started as she realised she'd done just that. This time making a better job managing to sit up, she remembered her manners. ‘Oh God. I’m so sorry. Did I just faint on you?’ 

Patience smiled then, reassuringly, offering a hand to help Delia to her feet. Her immaculately pinned back hair contrasted with the green of her scrubs, Delia noticed. ‘Well, actually, I didn’t quite make it in time for you to faint on me’ Patience replied. ‘I felt that I probably owed you enough to make sure you at least came round okay.’ She grinned down at her from what Delia was certain was at least half an inch above her diminutive frame. 

‘I really am sorry’ said Delia earnestly. ‘I had a bit of a day of it. I work in A and E, you see’. 

Patience smiled again. ‘Say no more. I did a stint in the emergency room in training. Awful business’, she shuddered, ‘it definitely wasn’t for me’, then, ‘sorry, I just realised I didn’t catch your name’. 

Delia smiled back at her then. God, she really did warm to this intimidatingly posh, slightly awkward woman. ‘It’s Delia, Delia Busby. I’ve just transferred here from Cardiff to finish my training’.  


‘Well Delia Busby. I hope to see you around here some time again. Hopefully not collapsed on the tarmac however’. She glanced at her watch. Expensive, Delia noted. ‘Gosh, I really must get back to the ward, I was only supposed to come out here for a quick cigarette’. So she smoked, thought Delia. Not a desirable habit in her eyes, but then again, it wasn’t like she could talk considering her own choice of recreational activities. 

‘Of course. Thank you so much for this, Patience, I’m so sorry to cut into your day like this’. 

To her confusion, Patience began to chuckle then. ‘Oh God, I introduced myself as Patience. Some habits die hard I suppose. No one really calls me that anymore. It’s Patsy. And are you sure you’ll be alright getting home? I can call you a cab?’. 

Delia cocked her head to one side. Patsy. She liked that. ‘Honestly, you’ve done more than enough. I owe you a drink or something’. She ducked her head then, shyly, wondering if she’d been too bold. Patsy looked a little nervous, but smiled back easily half a second later. 

‘Sounds good. Bye Delia’ she began to walk hurriedly back into the hospital, turning around for one more quick glance in Delia’s direction. Delia just stood there and stared for a good five minutes before she eventually jolted out of her trance and went to collect her bike, to ride home. 

~

That evening, after a hot meal and having scrubbed the worst of the day off her with the best part of a bottle of lemon scented shower gel, Delia checked on her phone to a text from Barbara: 

'You get home okay?' 

'Actually passed out outside the ward' 

'Oh God! Really?! I feel awful Delia, I should have taken you home myself' 

'It was okay Babs, I met this doctor out there. She helped me up' 

Delia paused, debating whether or not to send the next message. Who was she kidding though? She had to know if there was the slightest chance. 

'Actually, I think you might work in the same department Barbara' 

'Oh really? What does she look like? Did you get a name?' 

'Tall. Striking. Beautiful red hair. Oh and Patsy, Patsy Mount I think' 

Delia rolled her eyes at herself. ‘I think’. Who was she kidding, she’d remembered, and a couple of Facebook searches later she’d found her mysterious helper. Patsy had pretty high privacy settings, but the profile photo alone was enough to confirm the identity of the gorgeous redhead Delia hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all day. She jumped then, as her phone buzzed with another text from Barbara. 

'Oh God! Dr Mount! She’s my supervisor Delia! She oversees my training on the ward' 

Fuck. So Barbara knew this woman. Delia couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She wondered if it was possible to come across nonchalant over text message. 

'Oh? What a coincidence! What’s she like?' 

Delia watched and waited, holding in a breath as Barbara typed back to her. A very available massive lesbian would be just great Babs. 

'Honestly Delia, I’m surprised she helped you up at all. She’s so brusque. I mean, she’s great at what she does, but she’s positively terrifying to work under. Anyway, I’d better go to bed. I’m on an early tomorrow. Feel better! Xx'

Delia stared at the screen confused. Barbara’s description definitely didn’t seem to match the woman she had met, and practically asked out for a drink, but then again, she had just fainted. Maybe she’d imagined how carefully Patsy had cupped her head in her hand, the electricity she could swear she felt zipping through her body when their fingers had touched, the surreptitious look over her shoulder Patsy had given as she walked back into the hospital. Delia sighed then. Oh well. The London was so much bigger than Cardiff General. It was unlikely she’d ever see Patsy again anyway. 

(to be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be from Patsy's pov.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy invites Delia for a drink, with a little help from Trixie ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this may seem a bit of a slow chapter, but it's necessary to get this where it needs to be for the next one. Hope you enjoy and hopefully it won't be too long until there's more :)

Patsy was distracted. She’d been distracted all day, which decidedly wasn’t the best thing when delivering a baby. She’d remained meticulous of course, doing all the right things; reassuring the mother, checking the baby’s vital signs, congratulating the father on the new arrival, but something was off. She hadn’t felt the same sense of involvement that she usually felt during a birth. Her mind had simply been on other things. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t know what they were. 

It was that bloody nurse from yesterday. The one who fainted. God, she was beautiful. Patsy had always had a thing for brunettes, and her eyes, well. Who knew eyes could be that blue? The strange thing was that Patsy, who was usually the model of taciturn professionalism, had softened infinitely in the presence of the girl. Delia, that’s what she’d said her name was. And such a pretty name too. Her accent had been gentle and low. Welsh, Patsy had distinguished. She wondered if she came from the countryside. She’d been to Wales once, as a child, and the beaches and colourful cottages and beautiful greenery had stayed with her for a long time. It was funny, thought Patsy, that all the while she was looking into Delia’s eyes, she’d had the strangest feeling that she’d been there before. She blushed then, as she remembered Delia’s offer of buying her a drink sometime. Patsy knew it didn’t mean anything. She was sure that Delia, as pretty and perfect as she was, couldn’t be like her, must have men falling at her feet every day for a date. She could allow herself though, occasionally in the privacy of her own thoughts, the chance to dream. It wasn’t like she’d see her again. The London was a labyrinth of a hospital. She felt almost as though, outside of her own department, she’d never seen the same person twice. 

She sighed as Barbara, the nurse who’d been assigned to shadow her while she completed her training, flitted about in her peripheral vision, not really doing much of anything, yet continuing to hover around the nurse’s station. Barbara was shaping up to be a pretty competent nurse, thought Patsy, and she could tell that she really was a good sort. The problem was that Barbara had such little self-confidence, and this often led to Patsy having to help her to fix mistakes that could have been avoided, had she just shown a little more gumption. Patsy, on the outside at least, had always been so ultra-confident, so polished, that she struggled to relate to Barbara at all. Failing to do something had just never been an option for Patsy, and she didn’t understand why Barbara couldn’t just dust off her brave face and crack on when she came up against something she struggled with. As Barbara repeated her third ungainly navigation around the desk Patsy looked up sharply from her position in the doorway of her office. 

‘You can go now Barbara’. She winced as she saw Barbara’s face crumple a little at her barked order. Perhaps a little too abrupt, she reasoned with herself. Barbara was a soft soul after all. 

‘Oh, right. Sorry Dr. Mount. Although my shift isn’t technically over for another forty minutes’. She smiled nervously, and Patsy could have sworn she actually avoided looking her in the eye. 

God, maybe she really had been too tough on the trainee. She smiled at her then, awkwardly trying to make amends for her earlier abruptness. ‘You’ve done enough. You did a good job today Barbara’. 

Barbara smiled back warmly. She looked like a child who’d just been handed a free lollipop. It was endearing, thought Patsy. She watched as Barbara collected her rucksack from behind the desk and turned to leave with a smile and a wave. Just as Patsy was closing the door to her office in order to review the notes of her next patient, she saw Barbara turn back around. 

‘Dr. Mount. My friend, my friend said you helped her yesterday. She fainted outside the hospital. Anyway she wanted to say thank you, and I suppose I thought I could say it on her behalf. She was really grateful’. 

Patsy’s heart leapt into her throat. Delia. She was Barbara’s friend. Oh God. What should she do? She’d been thinking about nothing else but Delia for the last day and a half and now here she was standing in front of her friend. But then, what would Barbara think if she showed too much interest in Delia? She couldn’t have Barbara finding out she liked women. Who knows how many of the department it would get to. Honestly, cold, formidable Dr. Mount surely had enough labels attached to her name without lesbian being added as well. Realising she’d been silent for rather too long, Patsy’s head snapped up. ‘Oh yes. The fainting girl. Well, it was no bother, really Barbara. You can tell her that from me’. 

Barbara smiled again, almost gratefully, and continued through the doors toward the elevators. As soon as she disappeared from view Patsy dived into her office and slammed the door, collapsing in her desk chair with her head in her hands. Jesus Patience, why can’t you ever just be bloody normal? You’re interested in the girl, Barbara’s your work colleague, why couldn’t you just have invited them for a drink? Why do you have to be so bloody uptight all the time? Patsy grimaced when she thought about what Trixie would have to say about it. Her best friend and flat mate was outgoing, flamboyant, and pretty much a goddess of social situations, who rigorously taunted Patsy for her seemingly utter inability to get a date. Shaking her head at herself, Patsy typed in her computer login, deciding to update some case notes to distract her from the crushing realisation that she was doomed to a life comprised of only herself and an assortment of cats. 

~

That evening, Patsy sat at the breakfast bar in their spotless kitchen, nursing a gin and tonic as she lamented the situation to a sympathetic, if slightly mocking, Trixie. ‘Honestly Patsy, you’re such a dolt sometimes! Although…’ she paused for thought as she sashayed toward the fridge, selecting avocados and chicken breasts for the salad she was preparing, ‘all is not lost’. 

‘Trixie, I was so awkward with Barbara. I made it seem like I didn’t care at all that the girl had fainted. Honestly, she practically ran out of the building to get away from me’. 

Trixie stopped chopping avocado to place her hand on her hip with a sigh. ‘Patsy! You are impossible. Just ask them both out to get a drink. Tell Barbara you want to get to know her better. It’s perfectly justifiable, you do work together! And invite the fainting girl because she’s Barbara’s friend’. Trixie pouted and rolled her eyes at Patsy, as though the solution was glaring obvious. 

‘It’s not as though I hadn’t thought about that myself Trixie’ Patsy huffed, picking distractedly at a hangnail on her thumb. ‘It’s just that I rather think I’ve blown my chances now. I should have invited them out when Barbara mentioned it. How do you think it’s going to look if I bring it up now out of the blue?’

‘Like you’re interested, Silly’ Trixie smiled. 

‘Trixie. You and I both know that’s not an option. I can’t have people at work thinking I’m a…a…’ 

Trixie sighed heavily. ‘Patsy, you ARE a lesbian. And nobody at work is even going to bat an eyelid sweetie. It’s 2017 for God’s sake. There are much more interesting things to be than a lesbian!’ 

‘Trixie’. The warning note in Patsy’s voice would usually have been enough to let Trixie know that the conversation had finished. Tonight, however, Trixie seemed to have no such sensor. 

‘Patsy. Send Barbara a text and invite her out for a drink after work tomorrow. Tell her she can invite her friend if she likes. And if you don’t do it, then I’m going to take your phone and do it myself. And don’t give me that ‘you don’t know my password’ eyebrow raise Patsy, the whole world and its dog knows it’s your birthday’. 

Patsy sighed, defeated. Two years being best friends with Trixie was long enough to know when she meant business. She pulled her iPhone out of her pocket and opened a blank text message to compose to Barbara. 

‘I don’t know what to say, Trixie’ she whined meekly. 

‘Oh give it here!’ snapped Trixie. She pushed the bowl of salad across the counter for Patsy to finish making, and took the phone from her friend’s outstretched palm. 

Moments later, Patsy slid two plates of food onto the counter, just as Trixie motioned to her to take back her mobile. ‘Where’s the message?’ asked Patsy, scanning her phone screen urgently. 

‘The message?’ Trixie widened her eyes innocently. ‘Oh, I sent it Patsy’. 

Patsy’s head jerked up, colour draining from her cheeks. ‘You what?! Trixie you didn’t! Without even letting me check it?!’ 

Trixie ducked her head in shame, but Patsy could see the corners of her mouth trembling as they tried to turn upwards into a smile, set to give her away. ‘I just thought you needed a little push sweetie. It’s fine, really Patsy, just look at it’. 

With trembling fingers Patsy clicked back onto the messages app. She took a deep breath as she tapped on the message thread she shared with Barbara. 

‘Hi Babs, wondered if you wanted to get a drink after work tomorrow? We’ve worked together for a while now, we should get to know each other! Bring your friend if you like. The fainting one ;)’ 

Patsy looked up from the screen, horrified. ‘TRIXIE! This is so not me! Barbara is going to think I’ve gone mad! Oh my God, what have you done? She’s going to think I’m on drugs! The exclamation marks, the WINKY FACE! No no no!’ 

At this Patsy slammed the phone down onto the counter, as if in the hope that the sheer force would stop the message dead in its tracks on its journey through cyberspace.

Trixie pulled a fork from the drawer behind her and lifted her plate from the counter, holding it under her arm protectively. ‘I think I’m gonna go and eat this next-door Patsy’ she smiled nervously. ‘I feel like watching some TV’. 

Patsy watched in disbelief as the blonde shimmed out of the room, tittering away to herself like this was the funniest thing that had ever happened. Oh God, what was she going to do? She definitely couldn’t go into work tomorrow, because Barbara was definitely going to report her. For, for being on drugs, for harassing her, or for being mentally ill. And the girl, Delia. Imagine if she found out about the message! About the, Patsy shuddered, winky face. Patsy would never live it down. ‘Bloody Trixie’ Patsy cursed, letting her head fall into her hands. She could feel the heat radiating off her cheeks, proof of her embarrassment. How was she ever going to come back from this? 

Just as Patsy had resignedly plucked up a fork to eat her salad, having decided that no matter what Barbara thought, she might as well not starve, she was startled by the phone buzzing obnoxiously in front of her. She snatched it up quickly, hardly daring to look at the words on the screen. It was a text from Barbara. 

‘Er, okay! Sounds great. I’ll tell Delia. Shall we say 8 o clock?’ 

Patsy collapsed back into her chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy and Delia get drinks, along with Trixie, and Barbara ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I promised a quick update and didn't deliver. Real stuff got in the way, my personal life went to shit and now I have the flu ahahah. But I'm back now and I hope this isn't too disappointing. Thank you for the all the amazingly supportive comments; they really do encourage me to write more! It's quite a long update this time, so I hope that makes up for my dry spell.

Patsy stood in the middle of her room, staring into a now empty wardrobe, surrounded by what she considered must be every single item of clothing she owned. She had never had this much difficulty deciding what to wear. Then again, she mused, wearing scrubs everyday meant she rarely had to come up with a decent looking outfit. Jeez, it must really have been a long time since she’d gone out to something like this; she didn’t even recognize half of these clothes. Plus, she didn’t just want to look ‘decent’ tonight. She wanted to look good. Not that there was any point; Delia must think her a total weirdo for arranging this impromptu drinks when she didn’t even know her. Delia. She hated to admit it, but even the thought of the pretty nurse’s name made her stomach flutter. She startled out of her musings as she heard the front door click shut. Trixie must be home. Thank God, she thought. If anyone would know what to wear, it was her flat-mate. ‘Trixieeeee!’ Patsy whined from the doorway of her bedroom. 

‘Hi Sweetie, are you alright? Good day at work? Gosh, you’re home early!’ Trixie gabbled, stopping in her tracks as she arrived in Patsy’s room and took in the chaos. ‘Oh God, Patsy, what are you doing? You haven’t chosen right now to have a clear out have you?’ 

The redhead sighed. ‘I came home early. I wanted to decide what to wear so I’d have time to get ready, but I don’t know what to wear Trixie! Nothing is right! Everything looks stupid on me. Oh God, I haven’t done this in so long’. 

Her flat-mate gave her a stare that somehow managed to be halfway between sympathetic and withering. ‘Patsy, if anyone has the right thing to wear, you do. Your clothes are glorious!’ Instantly Trixie began flitting around the room, pulling possible outfit components from the pile on the carpet. Once she’d collected an assortment of clothes, she turned to Patsy, smiling proudly. ‘Here, the perfect outfit. Wear this Patsy, and she’ll be falling at your feet’. She handed across a pair of cigarette leg navy trousers, and a crisp looking cream blouse. ‘Pair this with those loafers you bought the other week, and you’re dressed to kill’. 

Patsy looked at the proffered option skeptically. It was a bold choice, and she’d been leaning towards wearing a dress, but now somehow, she could see it working. Trixie’s emphatic smile encouraged her further, and she took the clothes. 

‘I’ll go and get ready myself then Sweetie’ Trixie called, already waltzing happily out the room. ‘Oh wait’ she paused and turned around, ‘did Barbara say anything today? About the drinks?’ 

Patsy grimaced. Barbara clearly, and quite understandably, hadn’t had the faintest clue as to how to behave around her mentor today. Patsy had gone for a reassuring smile as Barbara entered her office shyly that morning to report for work, and they’d both been so awkward around each other that they didn’t even address the subject of the drinks until the afternoon. Barbara had looked up across the basin as they cleaned up after a particularly difficult delivery-Patsy guessed the shared euphoria at the successful end result had made her feel more at ease-and coughed nervously. 

‘So, um, about tonight, Patsy. I mean, Dr. Mount. Gosh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-’

‘Barbara’ Patsy had cut in. ‘Patsy is fine. And yes, about tonight,’ she started nervously. ‘It was just an idea Barbara, we don’t actually have to go, if you don’t want to. Or if you’re busy or anything’. At this point she’d silently willed with every bone in her body that Barbara would suddenly remember her very important plans to go to church, or visit her grandmother, or whatever it was girls like Barbara did in their free time. 

‘No no! I’d love to go!’ Barbara had smiled brightly back at her. ‘And I’ve already told Delia now, anyway, and she’s up for it as well. Said she hadn’t been out for a drink in ages. Although, knowing Delia, that probably means a few days.’ Barbara chuckled awkwardly, looking almost surprised at herself that she’d said so much to Patsy in one go. 

Oh, thought Patsy. So she liked a drink. Maybe she liked to party. Still, she thought, she was a good few years younger than her. Patsy rarely partied anymore. Then again, she wasn’t sure she ever really had. Not after her sister had-Patsy snapped out of her contemplation as she realized Barbara was looking at her, waiting expectantly for a reply. She mustered up the decorum to smile back. ‘Well then, okay. You said 8 didn’t you?’ 

As Patsy finished relaying this story to Trixie, the blonde smiled. ‘Well that sounds promising Patsy. See? It will all be fine’. 

~

Half an hour later, Patsy was just putting the finishing touches to her makeup. She’d brushed out and straightened her hair, put on the outfit Trixie had picked, which, she had to admit, did actually look okay, and selected her favourite mac red for her lips. With one last look in the mirror, she picked up her handbag and went to knock for Trixie. However odd Delia thought her for inviting her out, at least she’d look halfway decent. 

‘Ready to go?’ she asked as Trixie appeared at her door with a flounce, wearing a short black skirt and a red top, which on anyone else would have looked overkill, but on Trixie of course, looked just right. 

‘Oh Patsy you look fab!’ Trixie exclaimed. ‘I really did a good job with that outfit’. She grinned smugly and linked Patsy’s arm, pulling her towards the front door as she giggled.

~

Patsy was almost hyperventilating with nerves by the time they reached the bar. They’d chosen their favourite bar, which Trixie gleefully deemed ‘the hippest bar in East London’ and she’d texted Barbara to meet them there. They were five minutes early walking in, due to Patsy’s incessant need to always be on time, and she headed to the bar to grab some drinks while Trixie settled herself into a side booth. Ordering her favourite cocktail, the Old Fashioned, Patsy considered that alcohol probably wasn’t the worst idea tonight. Truth be told, she hadn’t been able to get the Welsh nurse out of her head since yesterday. It wasn’t that Patsy hadn’t admired women before, it was just she’d never met one who’d made her feel that much like she had to get to know her, like it was suddenly the only thing that mattered, like all of a sudden the very equilibrium of the life that she so carefully controlled had shifted, and knowing Delia was the only thing that could ever rebalance it. 

Taking her drink in her hand, plus a Cosmopolitan for Trixie, Patsy moved to walk over to the table. Glancing over her shoulder at the door, she stopped dead in her tracks. At that exact moment, bursting into the bar in a gaggle of bright smiles and unruly laughter, were Barbara and the Welsh nurse. 

And Patsy stared. She couldn’t help herself. Delia was absolutely bloody radiant. The trainee was wearing baggy jeans with a slightly cropped black top that showed off every single curve, and Patsy blushed as she took it all in. Delia’s hair was pulled back off her face into a high ponytail that seemed to bounce as she moved, exemplifying the happiness that emanated from her every pore. Patsy swallowed. What she wouldn’t give to twirl her fingers in that ponytail while she kissed her. 

Too late, Patsy realized that the girls had spotted her standing awkwardly near the bar, and were headed towards her. Pull yourself together Patience, she reprimanded herself. Straightening up, she tried her best to steady herself and smile at the rapidly approaching women.

‘Patsy, hi!’ smiled Barbara, drawing up to her. 

Patsy returned the smile. ‘Hi, Barbara, how are you doing?’ 

‘I’m okay’ replied Barbara. ‘Sorry, we’re a little late, we got the wrong tube’. She laughed then. ‘Well, Delia got the wrong tube actually’. 

The Welsh woman beside her winced, suddenly looking slightly unsure of herself. She looked up at Patsy through her eyelashes. ‘I guess I thought I was better at the London transport system than I am. I’m still pretty new here. Nice to see you again, by the way’. She gave a little wave then, just the smallest of gestures, but she seemed to think better of it halfway through, and brought her hand down again, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. It was endearing, thought Patsy. Much more so than her own bumbling nervousness. 

‘Well, Trixie, my friend over there’ Patsy gestured to the side of the bar from which Trixie was waving slyly at the two girls, ‘she’s got us a table. So we should sit down I guess’. 

‘Alright’ replied Barbara. ‘You go and sit down Delia, I’ll get us some drinks. What are you having?’ 

‘Red Stripe Babs. Or any beer if they don’t have it. Cheers. I’ll get the next one’, the stunning Welshwoman replied. She smiled up at Patsy cheekily, inviting her to lead the way over to the table. Red stripe, so she was an actual indie kid, thought Patsy. She hadn’t even heard of the stuff since her uni days, and even then she hadn’t been cool enough to drink it. But then again, Delia looked like she’d walked straight out of an Urban Outfitters catalogue, and Patsy had decided that she was firmly past the stage in her life when she’d shop in stores like that. 

‘You look great, by the way’, Delia piped up. Patsy looked down at her, shocked and unsure how to respond. Quickly reminding herself that not everyone was like her, and Delia was probably just being polite, Patsy smiled. ‘Thank you, I appreciate it. You look…well you look lovely’. 

Jesus. Why did she always have to sound so bloody formal? If someone could quite literally knock her boarding school background (and all the hang-ups it had left her with) out of her, she would happily thank them. She slid into the booth alongside Trixie and watched as Delia sat herself down opposite, wishing for a moment she’d had the courage to slip in next to her. Just as the redhead was about to introduce her new acquaintance to Trixie, her flat-mate piped up. 

‘You must be Delia!’ she beamed across the table. ‘Patsy’s told me so much about you!’ At this, a genuine look of confusion flitted across the Welsh girl’s face. No wonder, cringed Patsy; they’d barely spent five minutes in each other’s company. 

Delia smiled back politely even so. ‘I don’t know what she could have told you, other than the fact that I’m rubbish at A and E’. She chuckled then, taking in the sight of the petite blonde woman sitting next to Patsy. 

‘Oh you poor lamb!’ exclaimed Trixie. ‘Patsy and I both did stints in the emergency room when we were training. God it was awful. Patsy coped much better than I did, of course’. 

‘Nonsense Trixie’ Patsy disputed. Goodness, A and E had been a long time ago. But to say that Patsy had found it easy going could not be further from the truth. She had ‘coped’, she supposed, but not healthily. She tried to give Delia a reassuring look anyway, just as Barbara arrived at the table. 

‘Trixie, this is Barbara. I’m mentoring her on the ward while she completes her training’, the redhead supplied. 

‘Oh yes! I think I’ve seen you around the midwifery department Barbara’, Trixie smiled. Patsy could tell that Trixie warmed immediately to her younger charge; it was easy to tell with Trixie. Patsy herself however, despite trying to be polite and engage with Barbara, was much more interested in Delia. 

Trying to swallow down her nerves as best she could, Patsy drained her drink. A little more whiskey in her system, and she knew she’d feel more confident. A bit of Dutch courage had always helped when it came to pretty girls, even back in her boarding school days. She ordered another, and smiled when she saw Delia do the same. Looking to her left, she realized Trixie and Barbara were now happily engaged in a rather heated discussion about Tom the chaplain, who sometimes came onto the Obstetrics ward to offer religious support to new mothers, and whether or not he was single. 

Delia had clearly noticed too. She laughed and shook her head, all that beautiful dark hair moving around her shoulders. ‘So, Patsy’, she spoke softly, but assuredly. ‘Tell me about yourself’. 

~

God, thought Patsy, as she leaned against the wall of the toilet cubicle she was standing in. It was possible she’d had a bit too much to drink. She should have been more careful, of course. She hadn’t been out like this for ages, and she clearly couldn’t knock it back like she used to. Plus, Delia, it turned out, was a terrible influence. She was at the bar right now, ordering them another round of drinks. Barbara by this point had switched to tap water, assuring them they didn’t want to experience the aftermath of an evening where Barbara had drunk too much, much to Trixie’s protests. The blonde had continued sipping on sweet fruity cocktails all evening. Patsy, though goodness knows why, had made the ingenious decision to switch from cocktails of predominantly whiskey, to whiskey full stop. Swaying slightly as she walked out of the bathroom, she admitted the truth to herself. She was sloshed. 

Delia was excellent company, she considered, multitasking to keep her train of thought while trying to walk back toward the bar, and Delia, in a straight line. Patsy had thought she’d needed the alcohol to relax, but after ten minutes in Delia’s company she realized that she felt almost instantly comfortable around the pretty brunette. Patsy was confused. This was an entirely new feeling for her. She barely felt relaxed at all, particularly not out of a work setting. In the outside world, in her social life, she was out of her depth. She’d always felt like everyone could see that. With Delia however, it was different. In the short time Patsy had known her, she’d learnt that everything about this girl was different, and that just made her want to find out more. While they’d tried to engage in conversation with the others during the evening, it became clear to everyone at the table that Patsy and Delia clicked straight away. Trixie, with an amused smile, had left them to it, commandeering Barbara’s attention, regaling her with stories of her own training days. Barbara seemed happy enough to listen, only looking mildly befuddled at how well her best friend seemed to get on with her boss, and at just how unlike her boss this bright-eyed, giggling woman in front of her seemed. 

Delia had asked her about her work in obstetrics, about how she’d decided what she wanted to specialize in. Patsy had confided, blushing, that delivering babies brought a certain happiness to her, quite unlike anything she’d experienced on other wards in the hospital. 

‘I think I still need to find my magic department’ Delia had sighed. 

Patsy had looked at her then. Really looked at her. Studied the face of the girl in front of her. She couldn’t have been more than twenty-three, twenty-four. A good five years younger than her at any rate, but she seemed wise beyond her years. There was something in her eyes though, a lack of certainty, and Patsy felt it deep within herself. It shot her right back to her own training, when she too had wondered whether medicine was really for her, wondered if she’d ever find the right path. 

‘You’ll find the department that you’re perfect for. I can promise you that’. Her lips had stumbled over the word perfect, nervous it was too much, anxious Delia could see right into her brain, read what she was thinking. She’d drawn her drink up to her lips, taken another sip, even though it was long empty. 

Now, as she joined Delia at the bar, she felt positively giddy. The alcohol was swirling around in her brain, and as Delia turned around to face her, grinning up at her, she suddenly felt confident enough to ask the question she’d wanted to ask her all night. She was dimly aware of Trixie and Barbara approaching them, having gathered up coats and bags, piss drunk and ready to leave, but it wasn’t them she was thinking about. 

‘Why did you come here tonight?’ she asked bluntly. ‘I mean..You didn’t know me. Why did you agree to come here?’ The taller woman bit her lip, instantly regretting the directness of her words, but knowing at the same time that there was no other way to ask. 

Delia looked taken aback momentarily, but she recovered herself in time to take a lazy sip of beer. She stepped towards Patsy, just a little, and the look on her face made Patsy feel so many things all at once and it just wasn’t fair. 

‘Because,’ she paused. ‘Because I wanted to know you’. She looked shyer then, her eyes searching Patsy’s. Jesus, thought Patsy. This was much too heavy for a first whatever it was. 

‘I want to know you’ Delia confirmed. 

Patsy looked down at the girl in front of her. It was odd. Usually in this situation she’d find herself closing off, shutting down. She’d never dealt very well with such things. Somehow right now though, in the dark little bar, with the sound of Motown playing in the background and the drunken giggles of new friends Trixie and Barbara, she knew what she had to say. Everything else seemed unthinkable. 

‘I want to know you too, Delia’. 

Something passed between them in that moment. Something Patsy, for all her twenty-eight years, had never experienced before. Something so strong, and raw, it seemed inconceivable that she shouldn’t step even closer towards the brunette. Delia looked up, her blue eyes shining, an expression flitting across her face that Patsy, despite all her denial and insecurities, understood totally. 

‘Patsy!’ Trixie swung an unsteady arm around her flat-mate’s waist, hanging off her shoulder. ‘I’m drunkkk, les go home’. 

Patsy swallowed, grimacing. Trixie really did know how to pick her moments. The redhead smiled apologetically at Delia. 

‘God yeah it’s late!’ Delia agreed, glancing at the time on her phone before sliding it back into her jeans pocket. ‘I’ve actually got to be somewhere anyway. But uh, this was fun’. She smiled awkwardly at Patsy, ducking behind her hair a little, as if she wasn’t sure exactly what had just happened between them. Fuck it, Patsy sure as hell wasn’t. 

Trixie hooted. ‘You have somewhere to be now Delia? It’s practically bedtime!’ 

Delia just gave an easy laugh. ‘It’s my friends’ party. They’re in a band. They used to play up in Cardiff, but they got a bit of a break and so they’re down here now. No place better to make it than London, I guess’. She looked back at Patsy, at both of them. ‘Thank you for inviting me out. We had a really good time, didn’t we Babs?’ 

Barbara smiled in agreement as Delia turned and led her out of the door, helping her into a black cab and giving the driver the address of Barbara’s flat. Patsy watched as Delia rocked back onto the curb, seeing Barbara off. She continued watching as Delia fished into her pocket for her mobile, drew it to her ear, made a call. 

Just as Patsy and Trixie made their own way out of the bar, Delia called after them. ‘Actually, um, Patsy. I wondered, if you wanted to come?’ she reddened at the girls’ looks of such obvious surprise. ‘I know it’s late notice and I’m sure you don’t want to, but you’re more than welcome. You too Trixie-it’s not far from here, and my mates said the more the merrier’ she added suddenly, evidently realizing she’d neglected the blonde midwife in her offer. 

‘Well thanks for the invite Delia, but I’m much too tired’ Trixie answered honestly. ‘Patsy however, would love to go.’ 

Patsy opened her mouth the object, but there was no chance to get any sound out before Trixie was talking again, steamrolling on. ‘Oh, go on Patsy, when was the last time you went properly out and had some fun? Delia here will take good care of you, I’m sure’. She smiled sweetly at Delia, and gave Patsy a little push, so that she was now standing on the curb next to the Welshwoman. 

‘Well…’ Patsy stammered. Even the notion of going to some London house party with a bunch of people in their early twenties and hip band members seemed absurd to her. If anyone else had suggested it she would have laughed it off and continued on her way home, looking forward to a cup of Horlicks and whichever book she was reading, but she was already beginning to realize that none of her usual rules applied around Delia. She didn’t particularly want to go to a party, but dear god she thought she’d walk on hot coals to spend more time with this girl. 

‘I guess one more drink couldn’t hurt’.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy and Delia go to the party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been aaaaages again guys. Uni has been pretty intense lately. Got some free time this weekend so I'm hoping to get some more out then. Thanks for being patient and I hope you're still interested in the story. We've got a way to go yet :)

Patsy was uncomfortable, Delia could tell. Even from her relatively poor vantage point, trapped in the midst of a crowd of people, Delia could see her, nursing the last of her drink, staring into the bottom of the glass. She looked awkward, thought Delia guiltily. She hadn’t meant to leave her alone like this, but Callum had grabbed her as soon as she’d walked through the door, wanting to tell her about the band, and although she’d wanted Patsy to come along with her, she’d somehow remained there, on the edge of the party. After that, everyone seemed to want to talk to her, asking where she’d been lately. She had to admit she’d been a bit distant, her placement in A and E was getting to her more than she cared to let on, and she just hadn’t felt like going out as much as she used to. 

She planned to head over in a minute, rescue her, but right now Delia took the time to watch her. Even standing on the side, biting her lower lip, thumbing awkwardly through her phone, she was gorgeous. It was interesting to observe her when she was unaware, thought Delia. She seemed to let the mask slip a little. There was less of the smile that was a little too bright, and more genuine feeling, it seemed. And mostly right now, she looked uneasy. Patsy did not look like she fitted in here, and Delia wondered if she’d made a mistake in bringing her. Maybe it had been selfish, but she’d so wanted her to come. She didn’t even care about the stupid party really, there was a party every other night for God’s sake. She’d just wanted to spend more time with her. She knew it was irrational, but in the past few days since she’d met the attractive redhead her thoughts had been taken up with little else. She had a sudden need inside her, a space she hadn’t even known was there, and Patsy was the only thing that seemed to ease it. But Patsy wasn’t having fun at this party, that much was obvious, and Delia hated herself for being the reason she was here in the first place. Taking a breath in, she decided she’d head over and try to tell Patsy, in the gentlest way possible, that she wouldn’t mind if she wanted to leave. She tried to ignore the cloying feeling inside her that told her that she’d actually mind terribly. 

The taller women looked up as Delia approached, slipping her phone in her trouser pocket, and smiling reassuringly at her. 

‘Great party.’ She dipped her head, biting her lip again in that way that Delia was beginning to find so utterly endearing. 

Delia smiled back sympathetically. ‘It’s not everyone’s scene. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed.’ She paused. ‘Do you…if you want to leave, it’s fine. I mean, not that I want you to leave. I don’t. I just…don’t feel you have to stay on my account’. Jesus Busby. What had happened to her? She was usually so put together, so chilled out. She never usually had a problem with words around pretty girls. Hell, she usually flirted with them. She’d never met a woman like Patsy however. Never met a woman it seemed so crucial for her to know, that she’d rather not speak at all than open her mouth and fuck everything up. 

‘I don’t want to leave.’ Patsy’s head snapped up. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, her mouth twisting as she considered which words to form. ‘It’s just…it’s been a while since I…I don’t get out much anymore’. She laughed then, and Delia was relieved, even if it did sound a little forced. ‘I want to stay’ said Patsy again. ‘I could do with a cigarette though.’ She reached into her bag and pulled out a twenty pack and a lighter, and Delia motioned to her, lead the way outside. 

~

They sat on the steps that led out the back door into the tiny garden. Closer than was strictly necessary, but far enough apart that they could pass it off as an attempt to steal warmth from each other in the bitter night air. It was frigid cold, and Delia rubbed her hands together to try to stop her fingers from going numb. Patsy extracted a cigarette, drew it up to her lips, exhaling the smoke even as she lit it. Delia watched, fascinated. She looked instantly more relaxed. Delia wondered if she was a stress smoker. She usually hated smoking, found it disgusting even, but Patsy managed to make it look so effortless, so natural, so goddamn sexy. 

She shook her head as Patsy offered her the pack. ‘Mam would kill me’. She bit her lip, realizing how young she sounded, especially given Patsy was definitely quite a bit older than her. 

Her companion just laughed good naturedly, before angling her head towards her and grinning wolfishly. ‘Well, she’s not here now is she?’ 

Delia laughed as well, appreciating Patsy’s devilish humour, but refused the cigarette even so. 

Patsy sighed then, and Delia was surprised to see that she suddenly looked uneasy again. 

‘I told myself I wouldn’t smoke tonight.’ 

Delia chuckled in an attempt to lighten the unexpectedly heavier mood. ‘You’re doing a good job then, aren’t you?’ Then, ‘Why not? Don’t you usually smoke of an evening?’ 

The other girl looked back at her. ‘I do, I just…I thought you might not like it.’ 

‘Why do you care what I think?’ Delia blurted out. She cursed herself even as the words were leaving her mouth. She hadn’t meant to ask her that, hadn’t meant to be so forward, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself. She was curious. There was an energy between them, bubbling there as they sat on the patio step, and Delia suddenly wanted to know everything about the woman sitting next to her. 

Patsy blew rings of cigarette smoke into the sky, stubbing it out by her foot when she realized it was done. Delia watched as she stopped herself from taking another one, tossing the packet back down. 

‘I don’t know’ she answered honestly. 

Delia could tell that her words were running less freely than they had been at the bar. The alcohol had dried up, and so had Patsy’s openness. It made sense, thought Delia, after all, Barbara had told her that her boss was pretty much a closed book. The last thing Delia wanted to do was scare her off, but then again, being dishonest was not a part of Delia’s nature. 

‘That’s okay’ she tried to reassure her. ‘You don’t have to know.’ Another deep breath. ‘I’m happy though, that you care’. 

Now that Patsy had no cigarette to distract herself, there was no reason to possibly avoid looking Delia in the eye. Delia’s breath hitched. This suddenly felt too intimate, and not intimate enough all at once. Out here, in the pitch dark, with only the light from the fairy lights strung up on the kitchen window illuminating their faces. Patsy fiddled with her fingers, but this time she kept her eyes firmly on Delia, and Delia didn’t want to look anywhere else. 

Her eyes travelled down from Patsy’s beautiful red hair, burnished copper in the light, past her eyes, blue as swimming pools, past the tip of her nose and finally, down to her lips. They were plump, despite Patsy’s insistent nibbling on them, and once Delia’s gaze had reached them she couldn’t tear it away. 

If this had been any other girl, any other time, Delia would simply have reached across and kissed her. It would be the obvious thing to do. Never mind that they barely knew each other. Delia had kissed plenty of girls she knew less well, after all. But this wasn’t any girl, and that was precisely the point. With those girls, Delia was more confident. She could tell they were into her, for one. Patsy was more difficult to read, and she’d hate to get it wrong. No, if she was going to do this, it had to be right. 

Patsy however, didn’t seem to have got the memo about everything having to be perfect. Maybe she was drunker than she seemed, maybe it was giving her more confidence, because the other woman was gazing at her intently, and Delia could smell her perfume seeping out from under her collar. It was intoxicating. Delia’s brain was short-circuiting, rapidly flitting back and forth between the thought that she didn’t want to do this now, she didn’t want to rush, and the knowledge that they’d subconsciously moved nearer to each other on the step, and that Patsy was close enough to touch. 

Then Patsy glanced down at her lips. Fuck it, thought Delia. She kept their eye contact as she leaned in, slowly, making sure Patsy was equally wanting. She hesitated slightly as the taller girl did, but even so, their heads managed to make it all the way together. Delia cupped her palm around the soft of Patsy’s cheek, her fingers toying in auburn hair. Patsy sighed, and parted her lips. They were just about to connect when the backdoor was flung open, and they shot apart.

Delia cringed. For all the times for Callum to wander drunkenly out here, now was probably the worst. She glanced across at Patsy. The other women had leapt back like she’d been scalded, and was now fretfully stuffing her cigarettes back into her bag with shaking fingers. Delia wondered what that was about. Surely it wouldn’t have been the worst thing to be caught kissing someone at a party. God knows, people had been caught doing much worse. Maybe she was just shy. She was momentarily distracted from watching Patsy by Callum resting a heavy arm over her shoulders. ‘Delia! I was looking for you! You gotta get back in there man, everyone’s asking for you.’ 

Patsy raised an eyebrow at that, but Delia didn’t have time to pause and work out what it meant, because Cal was already pulling her up by arm. The brunette nurse sighed. ‘You coming Patsy?’ she asked. The redhead nodded her assent, standing up on the step and waiting to follow Delia inside to the party. 

~

This was the worst idea, thought Delia. This party had been the worst idea. Why couldn’t she just have kept her bloody mouth shut, told Patsy thanks for a nice evening and maybe suggest they did it again sometime? She’d been so desperate to spend more time with her that she’d ended up dragging her to a party she quite clearly didn’t want to be at, and she’d hardly spent any time with her anyway. She’d brought her here, dropped her into a sea of random people, and ended up leaving her to her own devices. She might not have meant to, but she doubted Patsy would be rushing to hang out with her again nonetheless. Patsy had looked visibly overwhelmed when they’d reentered the party. Even Delia, who was used to it, had to admit it was quite the shock to the system after sitting out in the quietude of the garden. Patsy had had quite a bit more to drink since they’d come back inside. Delia had to hand it to her: while she might not go out all the time now, she definitely must have been the life and soul of the party at one point. The striking doctor currently appeared to be fending off the unwanted attentions of Jake, one of Callum’s band members. While she was definitely drunk now, Patsy was still having none of it. Delia considered the significance of what that meant as she watched the redhead stepping smartly away from the shaggy-haired younger man. She was just about to disentangle herself from the group she’d become enmeshed in, and go and congratulate her on her nice dodge, when she saw the look of total unguarded discomfort on the girl’s face. Patsy looked unhappy, smaller suddenly, unable to deal with the situation she had found herself in. Suddenly Jake’s come-on didn’t seem quite as amusing anymore. She watched as Patsy quietly slipped out of the room into the hallway. The party continued on around her as though she’d never been there at all. 

Delia barged her way through the others around her, ignoring their calls after her, and exclamations of annoyance. She was focused only on getting to Patsy, on making sure she was okay. Swinging into the hallway- God, maybe she was drunker than she realized-she found the doctor fumbling with the catch on the front door. ‘Patsy!’ she called out. 

The taller woman turned around, looking almost sheepish at being caught trying to make a hasty exit. ‘Delia. I…sorry…I just. I think you’re right. I don’t really think this is my scene after all’. She spoke quickly, rushing to get her words out, as though she was worried if she didn’t she wouldn’t speak them at all. 

Delia was about to respond, to offer to get her a cab home, when it became apparent that Patsy wasn’t done talking. 

‘Actually Delia, to be honest. I only really came here for you. And I know it’s not your fault, but I barely even saw you.’  
Shit. Patsy’s words had really stung. There was something about the way she’d said them. It was so fast, so clipped, so emotionless. It had really hit Delia for six. She flushed red, embarrassed, knowing full well that the pang of hurt she’d felt at Patsy’s words would have shown up on her face. Delia was nothing if not an open book. 

Patsy obviously noted the reaction, and she paled slightly, looking equally embarrassed at having been so forthright. There was no apology though, Delia noticed. Just silence. Fair enough, the Welsh girl reasoned. Patsy was right, she had royally fucked up tonight. She stepped forward, opening her mouth. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but she had to say something.

‘Patsy, look, I…’

‘It’s fine Delia, honestly. I should just get going. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have invited you out tonight. It was all too much.’ 

The redhead’s bottom lip trembled at that, but she remained resolute, giving Delia a look that said she would brook no argument. With that, she pulled her coat around her shoulders, finally won her battle with the door, and stepped outside into the night. Delia watched the door slam in her face, rolling back on her ankles. She felt tears pricking in her eyes, and she was too drunk to work out why this, coming from a woman she hardly knew, hurt her so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patsy reflects on the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry it's been so long again. I sound like a stuck record, I know. I think doing an English degree means that I write so much, I find it difficult to really find the will to write on the side as well, even though I love to.This chapter is kind of a filler I guess, but it's also an important bit about how Patsy's feeling and why, so I hope it's not too dull of an offering. I'm already working on the next chapter, and I'm really hoping to get that up soon. 
> 
> Also can we just talk about that finale! They may have only been in it for seconds but Patsy and Delia made that episode for me. That kiss was such an important affirmation of so many things both in the show and for me personally and I'm just so so happy about it! Hopefully they'll be lots of fic to keep us going during the hiatus :)

Patsy popped two paracetamol in her mouth, swallowing them down with a gulp of water from a pathetic paper cone out of the dispenser. Her head was throbbing. She wondered if she was so hungover because she’d really had all that much to drink, or maybe it was just a sign that she was getting properly old. She definitely couldn’t handle it like she used to be able to. In fact, last night had made her realize just how dangerous drinking was. It seemed to bring all of her emotions to the fore, all the vulnerabilities she kept firmly hidden away had rushed right into the front of her head and threatened to overwhelm to her. It was all too much. She closed her eyes briefly, leant back against the counter in the blessedly empty staffroom. Last night had been a disaster. A total and utter disaster. Patsy groaned as she remembered just how comfortable she’d let herself get with Delia. Delia. Jesus she’d wanted to kiss her. She’d been about to, and she kept having to remind herself that that just wasn’t okay. Sat on that step in the darkness, she’d let her mask slip, let the façade fall away just for a moment. She had to be more careful than this. One wrong step and everything she’d worked for, all the walls she’d spent a lifetime building up around herself, could all come tumbling down. Patsy didn’t think she’d ever be strong enough to deal with the realities of what that meant. 

She never should have invited Delia out. It was stupid. A moment of weakness and she couldn’t afford for it to happen again. Couldn’t afford for people to find about what she was. And, even more than that, Patsy just couldn’t afford to let someone in. What was the point of pushing people away for years if you were going to throw it all away in a heartbeat? But oh, God, how she’d wanted to. Patsy checked her watch and calculated the time it would take for the painkillers to move through her body, to flicker across neurons and synapses and stop the bloody pounding in her head. It didn’t matter though. No amount of pain meds would stop the gnawing feeling of guilt that had settled unpleasantly in the bottom of her stomach. Nothing was going to stop her feeling bad about what she’d said to Delia. Oh God, she’d been awful hadn’t she? Honestly, it wasn’t Delia’s fault Patsy had more hang-ups than a fucking wardrobe. And she’d been so lovely, inviting her to that party. Albeit it was a bit of a mess once they’d got there, but once Patsy had calmed down, as she always inevitably did, she’d realized it wasn’t really Delia’s fault at all, just a bit of poor judgment. And honestly, who wasn’t guilty of that from time to time? She hadn’t slept a wink last night. Every time she’d closed her eyes the flash of hurt that had shown up in Delia’s was all she could see. She didn’t remember all of the evening; most of it was a bit of a blur, but memory could be a cruel thing, and so Patsy could quite clearly remember what she’d said to bring those tears to Delia’s eyes. And this, Patsy reminded herself, was why she didn’t get tangled up with other people. Someone always got hurt. Her train of thought was lost to her as she suddenly became more aware of the feeling in her stomach. All too quickly she could taste acid rushing up to the back of her throat. It tasted sour. Oh fuck, she was going to be sick. 

Patsy had barely made it into a cubicle in the bathroom down the corridor before she vomited what felt like the entire contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Reaching up wearily, she slammed the cubicle door shut with her elbow, and turned back around to crouching in front of the loo, knuckles shaking and white from how tightly she was gripping the seat. She heaved again, bringing up yet more bile as she tried furiously to blink back the tears that were already streaming down her cheeks and wondering if she was really throwing up because she was hungover, or if she was just that disgusted with herself. 

Something was scratching at the corner of Patsy’s attentions as she stared forlornly into the toilet. It took her a few more seconds to realize that the noise she could hear was actually a light tapping on the door of her cubicle. ‘Hello?’ she heard a tentative voice call out. ‘Is everything alright in there?’ 

Oh God. Trixie. Patsy would recognize that voice anywhere. She attempted to muster the strength to sit up properly and turn around from the toilet bowl, but it was too late. The blonde midwife, obviously concerned, had already pushed the door to the cubicle open cautiously. When she saw who was inside her mouth fell open in shock. ‘Patsy! Oh gosh, are you okay? What on earth’s the matter?’ Her voice was rising in pitch and becoming shrill as she tried to comprehend what was going on, but Patsy could already see her taking in the full picture; the sick in the toilet, Patsy’s pale sweaty brow and shaking hunched over figure, and in seconds Trixie had converted into Nurse Franklin. 

‘Right Patsy, let’s get you sorted out.’ She took one of the redhead’s trembling hands in her own and squeezed gently, then, letting it fall back to her side, pulled paper towels from the dispenser and began to gently wipe around Patsy’s mouth for her. Patsy had enough awareness of the situation to know that she should probably be feeling embarrassed, but she felt much too shit to actually do anything about it, and instead just let Trixie help her. She continued to cry as Trixie fussed around her, wadding tissues into the bin and flushing the toilet. Once she was cleaned up, Trixie simply sat down on the bathroom floor beside her and pulled her into her arms. Patsy barely ever did this with anyone. Correction. Patsy never did this with anyone. But last night had brought a lot of ugly stuff up to the surface, catching her unawares, and so just for once, she let herself be held. The blonde rubbed her back in slow circles, patiently waiting for her sobs to ease. She stroked her hands over the redhead’s hair, caught her hands where her fingernails were digging into her wrists and pulled them up into her own. When there came to be a lull in her cries, Trixie hooked a finger under Patsy’s chin and pulled her face up gently, willing her eyes to meet her own. 

‘Patsy’ she began. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s happened to get you in such a state? Are you just really ill sweetie? You seemed fine last night. Are you hungover? You were out pretty late-I didn’t hear you get back.’ She paused, and waited, watching as Patsy took a shuddery breath in and tried for a watery smile, at which point more tears filled her eyes. 

‘Oh God it was awful Trix. Delia, the party. I fucked everything up.’ Her voice trembled on the last word, and she broke down crying again. In broken sentences, punctuated with huge gasping breaths and Trixie holding her together by her shoulders, Patsy recounted the events of the party. When she got to the part where she had to recall what she said to Delia, Trixie looked entirely unsurprised. Patsy didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She supposed it probably wasn’t great-evidently she’d snapped at Trixie enough times for it to seem anything but shocking to the blonde that she’d behaved in this way. 

‘You need to make this right Patsy.’ Trixie said simply. ‘You won’t be okay until you do.’   
‘It’s not that easy Trixie.’ Patsy was immediately on the defensive. She felt her guard sliding back up. She couldn’t help it. ‘I can’t see her again. I…I don’t think it’s a good idea. I should never have gone out with her. It was stupid. I’m sure she doesn’t want to talk to me now anyway.’ She rushed her way through this series of jumbled statements and ducked her head out of eye contact as Trixie watched her, her face a mixture of sympathy and skepticism. Patsy could tell she was weighing up whether it was best to try one more time or just accept the end of the conversation. She suspected it was going to be the former as Trixie reached forward and grasped her hand again, looking at her impassionedly. 

‘Patsy. I know. I get it. I really do. But I can tell you categorically that Delia really, really likes you. And that’s not something you find everyday. Please, please don’t throw this thing away because you’re too scared to feel.’ 

~ 

Patsy was exhausted. She’d left the bathroom avoiding Trixie’s gaze, telling her she needed to get back to work, that she’d see her at the flat later. Her shift should have ended two hours ago, but one of her patients had gone into labour earlier in the day and Patsy would never leave work halfway through a delivery, no matter what the time was. She bit her lip as she thought back over the day. Patsy found every delivery special in its own way, but today’s had been particularly important to her. Laura, the mother, had been Patsy’s patient twice before this baby. The first pregnancy had been a miscarriage in the second trimester, and the second, Patsy still shuddered to think about it, had been stillborn. She had to think about it in clinical terms still, because at the time, it had broken her. She’d come home that night and laid on her side and just cried and cried and cried and wished, not for the first time, that she’d had someone there to hold her. 

Patsy was not above believing in miracles occasionally though. In her line of work it was necessary. And today had definitely been a miracle. Patsy had delivered a bouncing baby girl for Laura, eight pounds ten ounces, and absolutely perfect. Happy tears had sprung to her eyes as she watched her patient hear her child’s cry for the first time. Patsy always thought it was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world, but it seemed even more special when the two of them had doubted this day would ever come. 

Patsy finished stripping her scrubs and washing up after the birth and decided it was finally time to go home. She could barely keep her eyes open, and she still felt vaguely queasy after the morning. She thought she’d check in on the new mother before, however. Pausing in the doorway private side room she’d ensured had been allocated to Laura, she looked at the picture of pure happiness in front of her. Laura held the baby, sitting up in the bed and laughing as her husband played with a tiny foot. Patsy was about to turn around, feeling as though she’d interrupted a private moment between the new family, when Laura looked up and caught sight of her. ‘Dr Mount! I thought you would have gone home by now. It’s so late.’ 

Patsy smiled back at her kindly. ‘Just wanted to check everything was A okay before I left for the night.’ 

‘Everything is perfect’ replied Laura simply. She looked to her husband again, and then back to Patsy. ‘I always thought this could never happen for me. This was going to be my last chance you know, I’d decided. After the others, I mean…I just’ she paused for a moment, collecting herself, and Patsy shifted, trying not to let the emotion of the day overwhelm her fully in front of her patient. ‘I’m just….I’m happy I never gave up hope. I’m happy I gave it another chance. If you don’t try, you don’t know what you might get.’ At this, she looked down at the child in her arms with such unadulterated love that Patsy couldn’t help her thoughts drifting to her own mother. She wondered if she’d looked at her like that once. She shook her head and forced herself back into the present. 

‘I should go. I’ll check in on you in the morning Laura.’ 

On her walk home, Patsy could think of nothing apart from the last words Laura had said to her: ‘If you don’t try, you don’t know what you might get’. Patsy smiled a tiny smile to herself. Laura was right. And so was Trixie. What her friend had said to her earlier had resonated with a pang in her chest. Trixie was right. She didn’t want to be like this forever. She didn’t want to miss out on things because she was too scared. She had to try. At this rush of a realization Patsy considered that perhaps admitting that to herself was the first step. She would talk to Delia. She had to. Even if it was just to say sorry-she owed her at least that. She hoped that maybe, just maybe, Delia would be forgiving enough to let her say a bit more, because Patsy really, really didn’t want this to be over before it had even begun. 

She rushed into the flat in a clatter of keys and found Trixie curled up on the sofa watching trashy TV. Instead of flumping down next to her like she usually would, she stood in front of her, shifting from foot to foot, looking as though she had something very important to say. 

‘Is everything alright Patsy? Are you feeling better?’ Her friend’s eyes widened slightly. 

Patsy smiled meekly and took a deep breath in. ‘You were right. I need to talk to Delia.’


End file.
